The holidays are well on their way! With Thanksgiving just next week, the season of family gatherings is nearly here.
Seriously, how does this happen so quickly every time?
I always love to see my family- it’s pretty low drama and I feel lucky to have such interesting and fun people to spend my time with. I do know that sometimes my expectations of how things are going to go can conflict with how they actually go (tired, needy kids anybody?) and I can be left feeling disappointed.
Regardless of whether your family falls into the ‘family drama’ category or you simply have too much of yourself tied up in how things ‘should’ go (versus how they tend to go), you don’t have to suffer through the holidays.
This year, with all the training I’ve been doing the past few years, I’m going in with a different plan. I’m creating a vision.
Why create a vision, you might ask?
I find that when people have a vision, they are much more likely to have the experience they want to have- they are more likely to spend their time and attention in a way that matters to them, they are focused on creating the experience they want and not worrying about other peoples’ judgments or discontentment and they are more present to whatever comes up.
Your kids get whiny and in need of personal attention? If your goal for the holiday is to feel more connected, loving and peaceful then you may choose to take out a board game to play with them versus snapping out of irritation.
Your mother in law criticizing the way you are parenting? If your goal for the holiday is to feel more calm and joyful, you may choose to respond with a simple ‘thanks, but I’ve got this’ instead of getting defensive and crabby.
When you are grounded in how you would like to be feeling, instead of being at the whim of your and others’ subconscious beliefs, you are able to find more joy and move through conflict more easily.
Ready to give it a try?
Here’s the nitty gritty:
1. Visualize how you would like to feel, how you would spend your time and who you are spending your time with over the holidays. If you have 2 or 3 words that stand out as a theme of how you would like to feel, write them down and tuck them into your wallet. Then, when you find yourself ‘falling off track’ throughout the holidays, you can refer back to this.
2. Notice any objections you might have about why this ‘can’t happen.’ For instance, if your MIL always criticizes your parenting style but you want to feel at peace, you might be thinking ‘there’s no way this is going to go smoothly unless she stops sticking her nose in my business!’ However, I find that there is often a solution that we haven’t tried.
Start by asking yourself ‘what would it take for this to go the way I would like?’ If it involves others (as is often the case in parenting conflicts), don’t be afraid to send a little note to let them know that you are trying to do things a little different with your child, and that if anything pops up, you are prepared to handle them yourself. (It also can be a good idea to send a separate note prior to the event thanking them for all the great things they DO do for you and your family so that they feel appreciated and not just criticized. This may be their inner beliefs at play, but it’s important to remember that it is true to them.)
3. Enjoy! (and re-ground as necessary) You are ready to take on the holidays! If you find that the stress of the season or individual events is getting to you, re-ground in how you would like to be feeling and make a choice from that space.
Look for opportunities to create more of what you want: sometimes you may be able to limit time at an event, outsource a task or simply step into the version of you who is feeling the way you want to feel and letting others know ‘I’ve got this’ when they attempt to help in a way that doesn’t feel good to you.
Use your vision as your superpower, to look for opportunities to create more of what you want (not to measure how things are failing).
You can do this!
Still feeling like you are not sure how to move past some of the challenges in your life or the conflict that arises around the holidays? Schedule a free Mama Sparkle Session and let’s get you started creating the life you crave!