Ok, so on the surface this may seem like a stretch from the typical topics I cover on my blog. However, it is more related than I ever would have imagined a year ago! In my studies at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, there was one particular quote from Joshua Rosenthal that really stuck with me.
‘You’re never fighting about what you think you are fighting about.’
In other words, if you are bickering about your significant other not washing dishes, what are you really fighting about? Lack of support? Lack of time for yourself? Lack of attention from your honey? Sometimes it is surprising what is responsible for these types of whine-fests.
This new approach to looking at situations changed everything for me. In fact, when I catch myself being naggy, it is hard not to stop and think ‘what is it that I am actually needing right now? What is at the center of this emotion or reaction?’
Ok, so here goes, 3 easy steps to a happier, bicker-free life.
1. Stop! Do you hear yourself complaining about something seemingly trivial and relatively insignificant? (As bickering tends to be.) Stop talking! Even if it is mid-sentence. Cut yourself off before you say something hurtful!
2. Ponder! What is it that you are ACTUALLY fighting about? Is there any area of your life that is out of balance? Is there any need you have that is not being met in a larger sense?
3. Communicate! Address the real problem through clear and honest communication. Get to the heart of the matter as opposed to these silly habits we have of creating problems to crab about and never addressing the deeper issue at hand.
Simply addressing these times with this quote in mind changed the way I looked at my role in relationships. Am I being as honest as I can about how I act? Is this in line with my values and how I want to exist in the world?
So now the question is- are YOU being as honest as you can about how you act? Are YOUR actions and words aligned with your values and the way you want to shine in this world? Are you ready to give up being right for being beautiful, loving and kind?